The things you hear on the Staten Island Ferry

Eavesdropping on the Staten Island Ferry: December 2011

photo cred: Gothamist http://gothamist.com/2004/05/10/staten_island_ferry.php

"All My Children" will not be celebrating it’s 42 birthday, and it’s a “fucking let down”, according to two middle aged women I sit across from on the Staten Island ferry.

Woman 1 is wearing purple Uggs, Woman 2  is wearing flip flops. It’s December. Her bulbous toes are bugging me out.

“My mom used to record it on the V-C-R,” Woman 1 enunciates each letter to convey the ridiculousness of such an antiquated technology. Woman 1, and a more soft spoken, less abrasive Woman 2 go back and forth explaining the legacy of plot twists revolving around the character, “Erica Kane”.

I think; “ awesome".

Woman 2, while less brash has a very Brooklyn way of gesturing, her hands moving wildly as she goes on about this elusive Erica Kane,

“Apparently her daughter was a lesbian, was for like 7 years, then she was gone from the show, where has she been?”

Woman 1 knows the answer, of course.

“She got married to a girl and was like living in England or Paris, one of those, don’t you remember that?”

Woman 2 gestures an obvious “no”.

The two women discuss more award winning plot twists as they sloppily slouch on the ferry benches, their Century 21 sacks fastened between their legs.

Woman 1 explains her frustration with a particular AMC character,

“He thinking he like Orifice, predicting the future and shit,” reference to the Matrix, she means Morpheus.

The conversation moves on. They chatter about their kids, how lazy their husbands are, how much they hate “chicken heads(?)” and of course their bodies.

Woman 1 soliloquizes, “I lost weight, I’m 179 now. I was 190 because all I do is smoke and eat. I drop my baby off at school come home smoke, eat, then watch Maury. Then smoke and eat some more.”

Well lady, THAT’S WHY YOU’RE SO OVERWEIGHT.

Now they’re talking about how 'ethnic' women are fitting into the white female weight “stereotypes”.

You guessed it, Woman1 lead this conversation,

“Like Mo’Nique and Jennifer Hudson once they were all about being big girls, then they go under and like lose all this weight…you can’t tell everyone it’s okay to be big then do commercials for Jenny Craig and losing like 2,000 pounds.”

Yes, the chic said 2,000, I’m not exaggerating, you can’t make this up.